Jokes
- Shotokan101
- RouterTech Team
- Posts: 4779
- Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:17 pm
- Location: Glasgow, Scotland
After having dug to a depth of 1,000 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back a 1,000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telecoms network more than a thousand years ago.
Not to be out done by the Scots, in the weeks that followed English scientists dug to a depth of 2,000 meters and shortly after headlines in the U.K. newspapers read: English archaeologists have found traces of 2,000 year old fiber-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-Tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the Scots.
One week later the South Wales Echo reported the following: After digging to a depth of 5000 meters, Welsh scientists had found absolutely nothing. They, therefore, concluded that 5,000 years ago in Wales the inhabitants were already using wireless technology!
Not to be out done by the Scots, in the weeks that followed English scientists dug to a depth of 2,000 meters and shortly after headlines in the U.K. newspapers read: English archaeologists have found traces of 2,000 year old fiber-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-Tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the Scots.
One week later the South Wales Echo reported the following: After digging to a depth of 5000 meters, Welsh scientists had found absolutely nothing. They, therefore, concluded that 5,000 years ago in Wales the inhabitants were already using wireless technology!
Jim
.....I'm Sorry But I Can't Do That Dave.....
.....I'm Sorry But I Can't Do That Dave.....
Loving it Shoto
Kieran
"Indeed!"
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"Indeed!"
Invaluable links: Forum Rules | Networking Guides | FAQ | Site Search | Forum Search <-- Use it or feel my wrath!
No support via PM, please ask your questions in the forum!
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- Regular
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- Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 12:06 pm
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- Regular
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 12:06 pm
Living in 2006
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice that there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice that there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself
- Shotokan101
- RouterTech Team
- Posts: 4779
- Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:17 pm
- Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Nice one CropR but you left off this one :-
16. You know just which forum to post this on next
...'cos I've just posted it on this Karate website where I also spend time as JimmyTheHoover
http://www.sekiryuzan.org
16. You know just which forum to post this on next
...'cos I've just posted it on this Karate website where I also spend time as JimmyTheHoover
http://www.sekiryuzan.org
Jim
.....I'm Sorry But I Can't Do That Dave.....
.....I'm Sorry But I Can't Do That Dave.....
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- Regular
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- Shotokan101
- RouterTech Team
- Posts: 4779
- Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:17 pm
- Location: Glasgow, Scotland
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- Regular
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- thechief
- RouterTech Team
- Posts: 12067
- Joined: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:22 pm
- Location: England, the Centre of Africa
- Contact:
Professional Test
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "professional".
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
CORRECT ANSWER: open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
WRONG ANSWER: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
CORRECT ANSWER: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
CORRECT ANSWER: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river that you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
CORRECT ANSWER: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to <name removed> Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested answered all questions incorrectly. But many pre-schoolers answered several correctly.
<name removed> Consulting say this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "professional".
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
CORRECT ANSWER: open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
WRONG ANSWER: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
CORRECT ANSWER: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
CORRECT ANSWER: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river that you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
CORRECT ANSWER: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to <name removed> Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested answered all questions incorrectly. But many pre-schoolers answered several correctly.
<name removed> Consulting say this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
The Chief: Be sure to read the Firmware FAQ and do a Forum Search before posting!
No support via PM. Ask all questions on the open forum.
No support via PM. Ask all questions on the open forum.
- Shotokan101
- RouterTech Team
- Posts: 4779
- Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:17 pm
- Location: Glasgow, Scotland
LOL - I only got the first two right - ? semi-professional or half-amateur ?
Last edited by Shotokan101 on Tue May 02, 2006 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Jim
.....I'm Sorry But I Can't Do That Dave.....
.....I'm Sorry But I Can't Do That Dave.....
..or half assed?
He ached all over. It wasn't just that his brain was writing cheques that his body couldn't cash. It had gone beyond that. Now his feet were borrowing money that his legs hadn't got, and his back muscles were looking for loose change under the sofa cushions.
- Terry Pratchett
www.bliss.org.uk
- Terry Pratchett
www.bliss.org.uk
- Shotokan101
- RouterTech Team
- Posts: 4779
- Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:17 pm
- Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Have just checked out ebaumsworld. A few new jokes but not the sort of thing that would be accepted here. Funny though in my warped opinion.
He ached all over. It wasn't just that his brain was writing cheques that his body couldn't cash. It had gone beyond that. Now his feet were borrowing money that his legs hadn't got, and his back muscles were looking for loose change under the sofa cushions.
- Terry Pratchett
www.bliss.org.uk
- Terry Pratchett
www.bliss.org.uk
- Shotokan101
- RouterTech Team
- Posts: 4779
- Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:17 pm
- Location: Glasgow, Scotland
The Sad Tale of The Shipwrecked Lawyer
One day a Lawyer who had been stranded on a deserted island for
over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly nota ship."
And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the
possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.
Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure.
Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood
a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Lawyer and said to
him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Lawyer.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the
left sleeve or her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "I Say,"
said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish
whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a
pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!"
stated the Lawyer. "'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long
front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked,
"And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Lawyer fell to his knees and sobbed,
"I Say - Goodness Gracious ! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!"
over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly nota ship."
And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the
possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.
Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure.
Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood
a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Lawyer and said to
him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Lawyer.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the
left sleeve or her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "I Say,"
said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish
whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a
pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!"
stated the Lawyer. "'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long
front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked,
"And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Lawyer fell to his knees and sobbed,
"I Say - Goodness Gracious ! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!"
Jim
.....I'm Sorry But I Can't Do That Dave.....
.....I'm Sorry But I Can't Do That Dave.....
Not an IT joke
A man walks into his Doctors surgery with a big strawberry on his head ans says:
What can I do about this Doctor?
The Doctor said:
I'll give you some cream for that.
What can I do about this Doctor?
The Doctor said:
I'll give you some cream for that.